Why I Didn’t Get My Doctorate (+ Some Tips for Being at Peace With God’s Will for You)

A lot of my friends with whom I graduated from high school are getting their PhDs right about now. Which made me ask myself–again–the other day, “Why didn’t I get my doctorate?”

The short answer? Because I had kids.

To be more accurate, it was because God had different plans for me than I had for myself. Story of all of our lives, isn’t it?

When I was in graduate school, I was at the beginning of my five-year plan—you know, the new five-year plan I had developed after the previous five-year plan didn’t work out. After graduating with my masters in theology, I would immediately enter a doctoral program, get my PhD (something the overachiever, straight-A, too-concerned-about-what-I-was-doing-and-not-enough-about-who-I-was-becoming student in me had always expected to do), and then teach. Of course, I wanted to get married and have kids, and I suppose that I assumed at the time it would seamlessly happen concurrently…or something.

I met my husband after my first semester in graduate school, was swept off my feet—and unpredictably swept out of state—and now find myself, five years later, looking back at the altogether different five-year plan that God accomplished during that time, which involved getting married, having two beautiful children, writing a book, moving several times, and dabbling in other ministry work in my “free” time (is that what you call spare and fleeting moments as a parent of little ones?). In other words, in the past five years, nowhere was doctoral work to be seen, and it doesn’t appear to be anywhere on the horizon…not as I see it right now, at least.

And I am absolutely at peace and happy with that. 

This peace and happiness is actually quite strange to me, considering I had never pictured myself at home with my kids singing the alphabet for the twenty-sixth time today, while simultaneously wiping drool off my shirt and laughing at my kids trying to poke each other’s cheeks. I thought of a future much more scholarly.

But, more times than I can count, God makes a point of demonstrating to me that His plans are always better than mine. His plans usually allow me to tap into my gifts more appropriately, bring me more joy, have a greater impact on others, produce less stress, and draw me closer to Him. His plans usually make me less selfish and more holy. His plans usually draw my attention away from myself and toward others, most especially toward Him.

Thankfully, in spite of my own (stubborn) free will, I often get diverted from the course of my own plans onto His path for me, and it’s often only in looking back that I can see the fruitfulness of it. I see that through prayer and openness, I sometimes intentionally and other times stumble onto the path of true peace of heart.

That’s where my tips for you come in. If you’re wondering how to find and remain in God’s will for you, try these simple but crucial practices:

  1. Pray. St. Rose of Lima says, “When God is consulted sincerely, He gives a clear answer.”
  2. Be open. Really, actually remain open to what God wants and not just what seems most comfortable or appealing to you at the present moment. It’s amazing how your heart molds to be in joyful conformity with His will when you let it.
  3. Consult logic, your feelings, and your imagination. Don’t just latch onto one of these without the others. They all play a role in peaceful discernment of God’s will.
  4. Seek guidance! Of course, God is the ultimate advice-giver in the process of discernment and finding and living within His will, but seeking counsel from spiritual directors and other wise mentors is not only helpful, but often necessary in the work of uncovering and being at peace with God’s will for you.

You know, I can’t imagine what life would be like right now if my nose was still perpetually in a book and my body in a chair in some classroom for the n-teenth year of my schooling (if you are in that phase of life right now, hoorah! God must have some amazing plans for you on that path). When I was in school, though I love and am always craving to learn, I was a rather anxious person. Now, I have so much more of that deep-down sense of peace and a constant appreciation for the absolute love I have for being in the thick of family life, with more scribbles now hanging on the wall than academic degrees.

Today, make peace with where God has put you right now. Or, if you are on a divergent course, find God’s path for you and start trekking on it, even if it feels scary or unplanned. There you will find His grace to meet you, and, as always, He will exceed all of your expectations.

Are You Listening to The Quiet Voice That Calls You?

I remember years ago having to write an essay for an English class on the topic, “Why I Write.” I wish I could find the essay and see what I had to say about my reasons for writing back in high school. Although the decade-old assignment is likely tucked in a clutter of papers on a dusty closet shelf somewhere, the topic has always stuck with me, creeping to the forefront of my mind from time to time as if to urge me to perpetually re-answer that pressing question.

Undeniably, the answer has changed as I have gotten olde, and as both my reasons for writing and my writing itself has matured – as they will hopefully continue to do.

For the past few years, I have waded deeper into waters of the Catholic blogosphere. Writing there has brought an array of rewards and challenges. Among the challenges, I have discovered these pesky little voices inside my head that like to offer their unsolicited input, which goes something like this:

Why do you even bother?

You’ll never write as well as Catholic author “Sally.” Everybody always loves what she has to say…and, to boot, she’s funny, and you’re not funny. Everybody loves funny…

You’ll never be as insightful or intelligent as Catholic writer “Dave.” The depth of content in his writing could run laps around yours. Everybody thinks he’s a writing genius…

You’ll never reach as many people as Catholic blogger “Sam.” Have you seen his number of fans and followers? Everybody who’s anybody knows about “Sam” and his writings…

Why do you even bother?

But somewhere in the midst of all these nasty little voices is a quiet, clear voice speaking softly in my heart. It is for this voice that I write. It says:

“You may never write as well or as humorously as Sally. You may never be as intelligent as Dave. You may never reach as many people as Sam. But if though your writing you bring one person just a little bit closer to Jesus, if you convey insight that helps one soul inch closer to sanctity, if you reach just one person for the sake of sharing something about the love and truth, peace and happiness that animate the lives of those who live for God, then that is worth all of the time, effort, and insecurities of the woman who sits behind every written word.”

Do you have any pesky little voices that try to deter you from what God wants you to do or that cloud your reasons for doing what you are gifted at? Ignore them. God wants to use you to touch at least one person, and to listen to that clear, small voice that beckons you to do His will, even when you feel inadequate or undeserving. After all, His power is made perfect in our weakness, in our unpopularity, and in our littleness. Always listen to—and answer—the quiet voice that calls you.